Forgiveness

     To Forgive. According to Dictionary.com, the definition of "FORGIVE" is to, "cease to feel resentment against, to forgive one's enemies." Well, the main questions for this definition are, how do you forgive "one's enemies?" How do you forgive someone who has wronged you in so many ways and taken so much from you? How do you put the resentment, and bitter feelings behind you? The only answer I have for you, is you can't, that is you can't do it alone. I believe you can only give true forgiveness, if you have first been forgiven. The only way to do that, is go straight to the source, Jesus Christ.
    We already talked about how Jesus had forgiven me of my sins, back in the spring  of 2012. Well in the Summer of that same year, it was my turn to grant someone (human flesh, not spiritual) forgiveness. I was faced with one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make (it would def. make my top ten list of hardest decisions made in my life time). I had to decide if I wanted to sue the drunk driver who almost took my life, or if I wanted to take the settlement money and just walk away and forgive him.
    Well, I wont let the suspense kill you any longer. I chose to forgive (I bet you didn't see that one coming, haha). Let me now break down each choice I could have decided. Then I will explain why I chose forgiveness.
     If I was to sue him (which rightfully so, I could have and the bitter, resentful "old me" would have, and I'm about 99.9% sure I would have won the case) I most likely would have been in and out of court (he was/is Military) for years trying to collect the money that I would have "won" in the court case. I felt that if I would have chosen that path, I would have never felt true peace. I would have spent years "chasing him," which to me would have been a waste of time.  What kind of life would that have been for my family and I? I'll tell you this, it wouldn't have been a very good one.
     Lets move on to the second choice of taking the settlement money. I'm not going to get into the exact $1 amount of it all, but hopefully this gives you a general idea of what was all lost (materialistically speaking). The inpatient, 2.5 month hospital stay and 2 to 3 month outpatient physical, occupational, and speech Therapy bills, alone were thousands of dollars (that was with awesome health insurance. Without health insurance, it would have been in the hundreds of thousands of dollars). Anything my health insurance didn't cover, my husband and I were responsible for paying. Then there was the loss of income from the job I had just excepted, the eye appointments to the eye specialist, eye surgery, an orthopedic surgeon appointment (just so he could check my tibia fracture), and several neurology appointments(which I'm now down to seeing him only once a year, thank you Jesus!). These were most of the "bigger loses." The settlement money that I got back, was no where close to the amount of money that was lost. With that being said, we pretty much payed for him to almost kill me.
     It's been about 2 years since I took the settlement check. If someone was to ask if I regret taking the check, and wished I could go back and sue him, my response would be "no." I say this, because I think about my past and how I could have been that drunk driver. For as many bad decisions that I've made, I could have been the one potentially taking someone else s life (by NO MEANS am I trying to excuse his actions, I'm just trying to put things into perspective). Thankfully, that was not the case. God truly gave me a second chance. He gave me a second chance to straighten up my life.
     I truly believe the accident was a blessing in disguise (I know that sounds kinda twisted). God had to use such an awful situation for me to come to know him (for me to actually "wake up and smell the coffee"). Through this experience, at times I have truly been pushed to my limits (physically, mentally, and emotionally), but because of God's promise, "he will never leave you nor forsake you ( Deuteronomy 31:6)," I have hope. I have hope that he will help me get through any obstacle that is thrown my way.
     Next post, I want to talk about getting past fear. I don't mean, like a fear of spiders or snakes (or in my case worms, yes, I know worms lol, your probably thinking," really Chelsie?"). No, I'm talking about a fear that scares you so bad it leaves you feeling debilitated. That when you think about it you can barely breath.